Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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