i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
