Pants 0. Shit 1.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
