i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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