if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
