I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
