She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
