I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
