Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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