No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
