I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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