He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
