she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
