omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
