i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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