News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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