remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
