even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
