where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just gargled with NyQuil
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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