been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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