i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Where did you get a picture of my penis
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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