It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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