I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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