dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
