I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
