But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
