i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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