did you get engaged???
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
