shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
