I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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