so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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