Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
