He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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