Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize