i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
