We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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