Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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