Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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