I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
