I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why are your pants in the freezer?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
