if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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