I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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