thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
