I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
