he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
