I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I love having hate sex.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
