So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize