Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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