How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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