Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
