You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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