so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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