Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
