i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
