his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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