am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
