Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
