her vagine was all disorganized.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How external is "for external use only"?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
