Christians are straight up FREAKS
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
