**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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