oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
