And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
