Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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