matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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