in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
