i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
