I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
