I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
my liver is dry heaving
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
