i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
