he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
sex in a hospital.. check
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
