just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you will always have a special place in my vag
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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