barbara walters just said penis...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
