i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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