dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the day after is always just damage control
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
