My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I fill condoms, not promises.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
