there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I puked a lego.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
