dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
