they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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