Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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