So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
