1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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