my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
