If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
