I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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