i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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