in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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