And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
