One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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