I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
