just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
