My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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