she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
