So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There are leaves in my underwear?
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