Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
