getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
What a dumb baby whore.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
