The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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